Paris Hilton as law professor: each judge is your BFF, and remedies are everything.

Knowing the law and being a lawyer are two entirely different things. If something is illegal, does that mean you can’t do it? That would mean you can’t drive 26 mph in a 25 mph zone. In other words, it’s not about whether something is legal or illegal; it’s about consequences, remedies. If you’re in breach of contract, it doesn’t matter much if the party suing you doesn’t have proof that your failure to live up to your promise actually caused the harm you’re thinking of.

Paris Hilton understands that. She also understands how to get a judge on her side. As Law.com reports, “Hilton flirted with a Miami federal judge and mentioned her Zodiac sign as she testified Friday in a civil trial seeking the full production cost of the box office bomb “Pledge This!” for allegedly scanty promotional work.” The plaintiff in the case is “Worldwide Entertainment Group, which was seized by federal regulators as a Ponzi scheme after producing Hilton’s 2006 movie.” Hilton is arguing that she fulfilled all her contractual obligations to promote the film and that her schedule is booked months in advance. To illustrate, she explained that last week she was filming her new reality show, “My New BFF,” in Dubai. “This prompted Moreno to ask what ‘BFF’ stood for. Hilton explained the acronym is short for ‘best friend forever’ and added, ‘You’re my best judge forever.’ Spectators applauded.”

Hilton’s lawyer is arguing not only that she fulfilled her contractual obligations, but also that even if she didn’t the World Wide Entertainment can’t show her failure to do so is the reason the film only made $2.9 million in theatrical release. The judge, apparently won over by Paris, seemed open to that argument — “Moreno said even if he finds Hilton could have done more to boost the movie, he doesn’t know how he can translate that into damages. ‘I know even some of the greatest actors flopped in the movies economically,’ he said.”